yay!

my favorite author (or one of the many, i can never quite choose) has a blog here and i *just* discovered it! this is so exciting...

i just bought a monstrous regiment of women, a letter of mary, and the moor for mer for christmas (i have gotten her addicted now, too! *evil laugh*), and am waiting for my beekeeper's apprentice and o jerusalem back. with impatience...i need my mary russell fix before i have to go back to reading textbooks.

anyway, just thought i'd share...

ok done

now that i'm done with my bout of insanity, for some happiness:

my nephew (aided and abetted by my brother and sister-in-law), who is 3, just called me...and said 'eppeeee birthhhhdey' and then 'bye djujoulie'...the odd spellings don't do the cuteness justice, but it was adorable. my other nephew and my niece couldn't talk because they were at school...at which point i realized that max was born half my life ago, which is just so odd to think about.

anyway, hurray for having talked to mama, papa, various purring cats, declan, nate, and mindy all in one day!!!!!

going out later tonight with my partners in crime, who have schemed up a plan pour ce soir. it is a surprise. i get to wear a skirt...yay!

we regret to inform you...

that you still don't know what you should do. laugh? sigh? believe in something or become a hedonist in all aspects? retrieving things you don't really want to see is always an excersise with melodramatic undertones. retrieving things that never existed in the first place is a past time for those with fruitless inclinations.






i am having an existential crisis...sparked by nothing, which means very little.


hehe...well, my birthday present to myself is the right to go entirely insane. voila!

lol

some priceless sentences from my family:

Happy Birthday Julz!
You are now 20 and officially old
Or least, older than me
(tor)

as you enter your third decade, i send you blessings, hugs, champagne, chocolate, and so much love! celebrate, and come home soon!
(mama) (and eep, my third decade...scary thought)

Many happy returns of the day to my oldest daughter who is now among the ancients.
Cheer up: it does get better, every now and then.
It's late. We had a long rehearsal, but it went well. Everyone knows her/his part (and I mean that his/her stuff quite literally in this show, since we have three men playing women, two women playing men, one woman playing a mannish woman, and, of course, Dracula, who is a man....sort of.).
All very confusing.
(papa)

i love that i get birthday updates from my dad about his crossdressing. my family is so weird, and fabulous. anyway...

my mom sent me this poem, too. i spoke it to her right before my 3rd birthday...obviously i have no memory of this, but aww.

TOGETHER
(a spoken poem)

I will just stay with you
and be your girl.
I will always be yours,
and I will stay
the way I am.
I will keep you,
and I won't
let you go.
If I go away,
I will always come back
to you,
forever and ever.


i was a romantic sap when i was 3! eep. that makes 17 years of romantic sappiness. heehee...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

rgh.

20!

still obsessive!

still eating chocolate!!

love,

me

i'm impressed...and procrastinating

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

'words to live by'

(from my mother...i ask myself whether she realizes she is feeding my obsessive side. and not just with regular food, this is like miraclegrow or royal jelly or something)

To wait in hope
is to have
what we hope for
already begin
to come true in us
through our hoping.
- Frederic Buechner

hier encore, j'avais viiiiiingt ans...

jc and c keep singing that to me...lol. silly peoples.

i've GOT to clean this room. it is insupportable and gross. so evil. and i keep missing adri's calls. sadness.

on the plus side, i talked to my silly otter today--she had to work though. i'm so excited to go back and be insane with her in nyc. and then after that to go back to bmc and be in the 'paradise city' as i once referred to it during my froshling year...we shall see where this leads.

i am very good at creating situations in my head, and at moulding them the way i want to fit my wishes/dreams/twisted thoughts...most of the situations in my life are complete fabrications when i look back at them. well, ok, no. i lie. but the situations this year have been. at home it's a different story...

anyway, as i avoid cleaning my room i will probably post sporadically. and my posts will get more and more nonsensical...oh dear. c'est bien parti.

loveliness

i need to stop writing cryptic, 4 word messages...cause even i'm starting to get annoyed with me.

on a brighter note: yesterday was the anniversary of the day someone from my past fucked with my head in fairly significant ways...and i didn't think about him all day. i didn't even realize it was yesterday until 2 minutes ago, and technically that was still today. because it's midnight right now. so i forgot until too late. or something. whatever it was that i was trying to say, my brain has officially abandoned me. back? i need one (a brain) maybe soon.

anyway, i'll take it as progress...

meh?

stop brain, stop!

we never learn

do we?

high and dry (of course)

just watched fucking amal....it is amazing!!! yay for gorgeous confused teenage swedish lesbians! very exciting.

earlier today i saw lonesome jim. i went to see it because it was directed by steve buscemi, but i think i like his acting better than his directing cause i wasn't terribly boulversée. casey affleck's character was soooo unsympathetic. i liked the boy who played ben a lot though. and i liked the music.

i am en panne de communication again, of course. people are gone and i am very much solitudinous (it's a new word!) for the moment. mais franchement, je m'attendais à quoi?

je vais me coucher, il vaut mieux faire ça que continuer à penser.

penelopiad

" It's dark here, as many have remarked. 'Dark Death', they used to say. 'The gloomy halls of Hades', and so forth. Well, yes, it is dark, but there are advantages--for instance, if you see someone you'd rather not speak to you can always pretend you haven't recognized them."

Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad

i am quite literally in love with margaret atwood. it is serious.

tee hee

i'm smashing pumpkins...

she's an open book

tip # 1: never take anything for granted.

tip # 2: attempt self control

tip # 3: when you need enough turkey for 15 people and you're in france, make sure you ask for enough for at least 25...

also: i am on the internet and cooking in my kitchen at the same time...how cool is that???!!

and now, stolen from my 'sister'

what is an inside joke with #7?: "julie knows…hehe you know, don’t you ?"...not really a joke, but oh well.
what about #22?: waddle pat waddle pat…heeheehee
would you go out with #12?: i wouldn’t go out with him…sleep with him being a totally different question, of course.
whats one word that describes #5: marvelous! aaw...does it have to be just one word?
would #4 look good with #25?: no !!!! plus i might die.
would u go out with #19?: nope, she’s straight.. .although…
when is #11's birthday?: july 4th !
would you make out with #28?: ummm…definitely
are #3 and #29 BEST friends?: no, though they know each other
have you ever liked #21?: definitely
have you ever liked #13: LOL yes
have you ever liked #6?: no, but i love her as a friend
can you tell #17 anything?: definitely not. especially cause she now avoids me.
how mucuh do you love #4?: far too much
how do you know #20?: umm…how did we meet ?? oh, work in haffner maybe…or parties. In any case, study groups came shortly after : )
would you make out with #30?: ugh. Been there, done that…no
how'd you meet #18?: once upon a time...i accidentally kissed her. well technically i knew her from the thursday dinner shift but...yes.
what word comes to your mind when you hear #23's name?: genius
have you ever had a crush on #27?: haven’t known her long enough, though she’s certainly cute
what about #2?: lol, well that’s debateable. I love her lots.
do you think #10 is hot?: she’s beautiful
whats one word that describes #15?: charming
what do you think #9 will be when he/she grows up?: a fucking fabulously beautiful and intelligent philosopher
give me one random fact about #16.: i became a sketchy upperclasswoman because of her !
and #8.: she really loves leprechauns
and what about #1?: he is an asshole
...and #26?: she lived with an ex of mine
what song does #14 relate to?: jaded by aerosmith…ha !
what movie could #24 be in?: something involving shakespeare
what famous person does/should #7 meet?: gael garcia bernal
what do you think of #10?: i love her, and i am so glad we’ve kept in contact so long. She is one of the best people i know.
would you make out with #1?: already have, innumerable times.
what about #17?: already have.. .and i would totally do it again! (if she weren't avoiding me...)
whats an inside joke with #11?: flem and death !
what about #12?: blue satin ? lol…
and #13?: *slap* ‘oops, sorry was that too hard ??’
have you ever liked #8?: no, although we are married our relationship is perfectly platonic. And it’s great that way.
what about #20?: in a cute fluttery way for a bit, yes
would #29 make a good couple with #16?: no way
what about #23 and #5?: lol no !!
whats a random fact about #6?: i have walked in on her kissing someone
what about #21: she writes amazing stories
and...#18?: she has a ton of mice
how'd you meet #28?: highschool
have you ever gone out with #9?: lol…sort of
what about #30?: ugh, sadly yes
ever had a crush on #5?: a teensy bit
or #25?: yes
has #4 ever liked you?: you know what ? i have no fucking clue…i mean, one would imagine…and hope. but probably not after all.
what about #19?: i don’t think so !
one word about #27.: smart !!
do you knwo anyone who likes #24?: haha…well i know someone who did like her…
is #3 your friend? why?: of course. actually, we're sisters. I love her to death, obviously. we are friends because she appreciates my weird faces and likes to explicate sonnets in a cockney accent at the dinner table. and also because if we weren't mama might kill us.
where do you see #26 in 20 years?: breaking hearts ! and being an activist.
what about #22?: she’s going to be doing something huge for the world…seriously.
would you make out with #2?: hehe i plan on it
have you ever made out with #14?: i’m trying to think of a tactful way to say 'more than i'd like to admit'…
what # can you most see youself with?: i would like to think # 4…
What # should #11 go out with next?: # 15 ! cute !!

alex, i miss you...and i read your blog a lot...and steal from it.

love,

j

ps. if you can find yourself i'll give you a cookie. well, an e-cookie

today...

i need to be serious about resistance.


on a brighter note, ike might get me various seasons of 24 for my birthday, which is so exciting i can't even say...hurrah!


must take axel to theater, then both kids to tae kwan do, then give an english lesson, then pick up the kids, then feed them, bathe them, put them to bed, and voila.



bisous

booya

what is it with these people?!?

have you ever...(stolen from alex f.)

( ) snuck out of a house
(x) gotten lost in your city (i have gotten lost in walmart.)
(x) seen a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states (umm...)
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger (from which i have made many friends)
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) slept with a stranger
(x) kissed a friend (from which i have made many awkward situations)
(x) slept with a friend
(x) slept with a co-worker (heehee)
(x) slept with someone significantly older
( ) gotten in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
(x) played king's cup
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) made out in an elevator (on the eiffel tower no less)
( ) slept in an elevator
(x) sworn at your parents
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts (i have brothers)
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) been on a hike in the desert
( ) broken a bone
(x) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) been betrayed
(x) flashed someone
( ) seen a therapist
(?) done the splits (confused...)
(x) played spin the bottle (and oh how i miss it)
(x) gotten stitches
(x) had an IV
(x) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) been to more than 1 continent
( ) been to all the continents
(x) bitten someone (well, obviously!)
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
(x) been to Japan (i was only in the airport...)
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) had a crush on someone older
(x) had a crush on someone younger
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had a crush on someone of the opposite sex
(xxxxx) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (fuck)
( ) stolen something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend (though i am a terrible, terrible liar)
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) been to Europe
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
(x) loved more than one person at once
( ) had children
(x) seen someone die
(x) been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (duh)
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding (no, but i got runover by a snowboarder--and her board. not bitter, not at all...)
( ) Met someone in person from the internet (i work for them!)
( ) Been moshing at a rock show
(x) Cut yourself on purpose
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers

(X) love someone or miss someone right now

...always.

parler de tes yeux m'a déconcentré

women. sigh. and that's all we'll say about that.

now that i have internet in my room, i am spending ALL my time doing nothing online...which is terrible, cause i could be spending all my time writing poems or stories or letters or translating the thing i'm getting paid to translate (oops) or wandering around outside. maybe i need to put a limit on my net wanderings. there really shouldn't be a maybe in that sentence.

i miss being able to hug someone at any hour of the day...at bmc, you can always find someone awake and up for a hug or a movie or a cuddlepuddle or a random intelligent conversation. and here i have mer and adri, but i can't see them any time i want--especially in the cold, getting to mer's takes serious commitment...3 changes on the metro and at least 35 minutes. adri is closer but it's still far. i am just being needy, i know. don't listen to me. i just miss you guys all so so much.

and much as i idealize bmc, i am sure much will have changed by the time i get back there in janvier. people will be gone and friendships will have changed dynamics and people will have forgotten things and if it's like taft i don't know what i'm going to do.

stop whining maybe? good idea.

love

me

pensive i am, says yoda

it has been a while since i've been good at this...

that means way more than it should to me at the moment. gutter. gutter. oh well.

what's the good of having a new blog if you can't be funky on it in paris at 2 in the morning? none, none at all, i'd say. i really need to go to sleep but i'm sooooo preoccupied with the idea of tomorrow.

word souffle...heehee!

this is a new blog! maybe it will be interesting. maybe je l'oublierai. who really knows? but this way i can leave comments chez alex.